Own your fear and forge ahead


“There she comes, open the door”  my aunt would say when she heard my sprinting footsteps and heaving approaching as I run (literally: run) an errand, often a note from my dad to his brother (my uncle). 
I have never understood why my dad and his brothers wrote notes to each other almost daily.  
PS: Sometimes the note was as simple “hello” or  “Let’s have lunch this Saturday” or a follow up of a conversation they had earlier. Really. The result of my grandmother raising a close-knit family.
See, I grew up in a typical African homestead. Though each family had their own compound, routines and structures, et ce tera, I pretty much grew up together with my brothers, cousins and extended family.
Back to my night courier.
My dad would come from his workplace in the city at around 6pm. After taking a shower, he’d sit at the table for his evening cup of tea as he wrote a note to my uncle. This was my cue that it was time for our daddy-daughter nightly crossword puzzle filling which I thoroughly enjoyed.  
My hovering around meant that I was often the courier of the ‘brotherly communication’. By then, it was almost 7pm and darkness had began to set in. And I had to wait for a read and reply, written or otherwise, from my uncle back to my dad.
This girl is afraid of the slightest hint of darkness. I don’t know why I never kept off until the note mission had been completed my one of my two brothers. 

Perhaps because I was, still I’m, daddy’s girl who adores the coolest man I know. Perhaps because I was tempting my Kenyan legs to run across the road that separated my uncle’s home and ours all the way to an international marathon. Or may be it was because of the laughter my younger cousins broke into as I stood trying to catch my breath  in their living room.
Whatever the reason, my fear of darkness didn’t prevent me from operating the family post office.
Fast forward. FEAR is one the greatest monsters I have battled in my adult life. 

Fear of the unknown. Fear of other people’s opinion of me. Fear that I’m not good enough or don’t know enough. Fear of becoming my greatest self. Fear of …
Yet I’m still that carefree girl I was in my childhood. Along the way, the real me was covered by layers of fear. 

The embers of the real me were there, but hidden by conformity. 

Since living to my fullest is my passion and purpose, I’ve made the conscious decision to clear the fear committee out – by acknowledging and owning my fears till they have nothing on me. It’s an on-going process that I’m committed to.

Stare your fear in the face and it will shrink down to the size of an ant.
~  Jason Leister

I still have fears, but I no longer pretend that they don’t exist neither do I let them rule me or my life, especially because I’m a mom with four wide eyes watching and learning from everything I do.

Feeling the fear and forging ahead any way is surefire way to living the life I desire, Don’t you think so?
We all have fears we must deal with. I’m not saying my way of taking my fears head on is the best approach to deal with that which holds us back, but it’s the best way I know how.
Even successful people do feel some level of fear and they’re able to take steps towards doing forging ahead. And from there, it’s just a matter of tweaking things so that fear does not reign supreme, ultimately ending up in success.
Feel the fear and forge ahead.

Terry

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